I going to try to do something I’ve never done before and that is to review a movie before I have actually seen it. The movie I’m talking about is Mad Max: Fury Road. This series of movies (Mad Max-1979 [wow! I was 31 years old], Mad Max: The Road Warrior-1981, and Mad Max 2:Thunderdome-1985) is one of my guilty pleasures. With this series, I will happily ignore all of my standards I usually have for the movies I select to watch. Without even seeing this film, I know it is poorly written, lacks a plot, and is nothing but a lot of glossy special effects and explosions. But I also know that I will love this movie just like I have loved every other Mad Max movie.
On screen, I predict you will see:
• representatives from every wacko, sideshow tribe supposedly left on the post-apocalyptic planet.
• miscreants will have dressed themselves in fashions that steal from the styles introduced by Neanderthal man, Bigfoot, the American Indian, Mexican costumes from the Day of the Dead, Frankenstein and Clockwork Orange.
• reprobates in uniform (?) adorned with assorted animal bones, auto parts, bullets, and high-capacity weapons.
• motor vehicles that just look mean. Not autos to take the family to church on Sunday, but horrendous, menacing machines made to run over and crush that family.
• characters with strange things coupled to their body and tangled in their hair.
• villains whose faces are covered in a combination of tar, black powder, chalk, paint, and just plain old dirt.
• an all-consuming lust for gasoline that conveniently makes for supernova explosions.
• a series of vehicle races whose purpose is not to get anywhere, but to ignite, implode and explode, smash, launch, and mangle various tribal warriors and their wheeled machines .
• dust, dust and more dust until you’re so dry you head to the concession stand.
• over a million rounds of ammo expended.
• great homemade weapons.
• stunts! You ain’t never seen stinking stunts like these.
• a love interest for the hero who has quirks that would terrify most men.
• a concluding race where new heights (above the ground) are reached by flying trucks, buggies, motorcycles, and a gasoline tanker that explodes into flames that would melt any vehicle within a mile if it weren’t for the fact everyone is going 150 miles per hour.
I’ll miss Mel Gibson in the starring role now played by Tom Hardy (Inception, The Dark Knight Rises, Band of Brothers, and Blackhawk Down). We’ll just have to see how that works out.
I like Mad Max movies because I think they do a great job of depicting how the world will be if civilization totally collapsed. If this happened, it would be a horrible thing to live through, but it would also be so exhilarating to live in a world with absolutely no rules. People would evolve overnight to adopt totally new behaviors that they thought would help them survive—the only things that matters anymore. Some people would become freakish, some frightening, and some cruel—few (if they wanted to live long) would be gentle. To me this is a very interesting concept and I think Mad Max movies do a great job portraying this hellish world (hopefully this doesn’t make me a complete geek).
Man!—I can’t wait. I think I’ll get in line now. Hope those kids show a little respect for the king of the Mad Max Fan Club and a bona-fide GEEZER. Maybe they’ll let me in the front of the line. I hope they have a 3D version. I hope a lot of thing blow up.
Note: Now I have seen the movie and guess what, I was right, right, and more right. To be a Mad Max movie you have to get the audience on the edge of their seats with a ballet of action, explosions and music all moving at over 100 miles an hour—Mad Max: Fury Road did this better than any of its predecessors.