I get mugged
every time I go to work.
My brain is temporarily useless
when my head snaps back,
and I am rendered snotless.
I show up and huge thugs run at me full speed,
smash me until my eyes bulge out,
make my nose bleed,
ram my stomach into my backbone.
My job has seen my shoulder dislocated,
my knee completely rotated,
my collar-bone separated,
and my lungs imploded.
The only way I survive these ugly beatings
as a football-punt-return guy,
is my team frowns on players getting killed
so they only make me work 15 minutes a year.