When he was finally came to rest,
his nose was completely mashed,
his teeth were cracked
and his knee cap was completely trashed.
Maim, mangle and mutilate.
It’s just part of the game of football.
And if you’re good you don’t go to jail,
you simply go to the Pro Bowl.
I play linebacker,
which means I only have one job,
to stop, up-end, and demolish any runner
and turn them into a whimpering blob.
This means I hit receivers as they hang in the air.
Then spin them,
and drive them
headfirst onto the turf.
If they run at me,
I burry my helmet in their chest,
listen to the breath burst out of them,
then pick them up and drive their backbone
into the ground.
And even if a player doesn’t have the ball,
I’m encouraged to hit them,
and smash my forearm, helmet, or fist
into their jaw, gut, or balls.
But what I like best is a shot at the quarterback.
A defenseless target,
standing there looking for receivers,
never seeing me,
until he sees stars.
All this violence gains me nothing but praise.
When I break someone apart,
I’m not charged with assault,
but proclaimed Most Valuable Player.